The first thing I will learned this year was how much can change in a year. How different we can be, how different we can feel, and how much better our priorities can be. To be honest, I was in this future minded discontentment trap. Thinking things like when xyz happens, things will be better! When we do this or find this or move here, things will change and be magical. Maybe not to that extent, but you get the point. . I was struggling to live in the present moment!
I can’t describe the weird mixture of hopeless and optimistic I felt. I was trying to be positive externally for the boys, while feeling hopeless at the same time. My heart was hurting, my soul was completely emptied out. I was drained. I knew that I needed to make some changes once we got settled in our new home/life.
I really started by eliminating as much as I could. I knew that “busy body” wasn’t something I wanted on my tombstone, so I just started saying no, no, no. Around this time, I also read some insightful books about waste and having more than we need.
It inspired to me to go through what stuff we have and just get rid of things we didn’t need. When I started visualizing these items being used by people, and how it could serve others. It suddenly seemed less important for clothes to just hang in my closet waiting for me to wear, and more important for me to love myself, and be comfortable and confident in clothes that fit me just as I am.
Around this time, I also began to work on my relationship with screens and social media. I was spending entirely too much time on social media and finding myself feeling more discontentment, because I wasn’t using social media for good and fun anymore. I went through and unfollowed accounts that were inactive, and starting filling up my feeds with people who geniunely inspired me (I love accounts that encourage you to save money, get outdoors, have pretty things that are budget friendly, serve others, recommend books, minimalism accounts, etc.) It was admittedly a little time consuming, but it has been good for me! Go through your feeds and find inspiring accounts. I also started to enjoy personal growth accounts this year, like Enneagram accounts.
I started picking up books when my anxiety would rear its ugly head. Instead of worrying about things I may or not be able to change, I just started focusing on reading one word at a time. I was hoping to update my habits, and I’m pleased to say I’m finally to a point where I pick up a book before my phone! Between audio books and regular reading, I read over 100 books this year and I’m so proud of myself!
This year for me was all about filling up my soul, exploring old passions and discovering new hobbies. I wanted to place emphasis on in person relationships, and serving the people around me in my every day life. I stepped outside of my comfort zone, practiced hospitality more, and did my best to do with a joyful heart even when things weren’t beautiful and perfect!
I think that since last year was such a hard year emotionally for my family, I went into 2019 with a new perspective on what matters to me. It was a year of growth for me, absolutely. It was hard, but it was necessary and as we head into 2020. I hope I can keep my priorities aligned. Serving others, getting outdoors, spending time as a family, putting down my phone, speaking life into the people around me, and doing my best to be a little bit better every year.